Mebe im an idiot, willing to leave everything I have behind. But, whats the point of having everything you want but in the end…ure torturing urself slowly, up till the day u die. I dun wanna live tat way. I dun care, I dun mind at all even if I haf to live my life alone just to achieve the life tat I want. Cus in the end, the one tat matters is urself.
People may look at me and say tat im always a happy person, I hold no grudge and im probably the warmest person uve ever met. I don’t! dun get me wrong~ im not saying tat I dun act myself in front of others. Hey! Im not hypocrite bout myself ok! Just tat, im probably are hypocrite when it comes to comforting other people. Im probably dun wanna make u sad, so yeah, I lied a little. I’ll luff, if tats wut u want me to do. Its ok. I dun mind getting hurt. U dun haf to worry bout me. Cus im not important. I never was~
Haha! Aida emo lagi ke ni? Yeah~im probably am. Hehe~! But honestly, if I were given a choice to choose between tis life im having rite now wif; a small isolated island without muggels, without a doubt, I’ll choose to live in tat island. Yeah, I know. I’ll lose everything. Im gonna live all alone, all by myself. I haf to learn how to survive on my own. Hey, wait a second, ive been doin tat fer the past of my 22 years! Ha-ha! But I bet, living in tat island is much more better. Cus im all alone, and the only thing tat I have to worry is myself and nothing else.
Reading tis, u’ll probably gonna assume tat im incredibly selfish. Seems like I never appreciates wut I have. Or even the people around me, who had very much helped me during my 22 years of living. Wrong! I appreciates them soooo much. And from my deepest heart, I am thankful for having someone like u in my life. And I always try my very best to make u happy. But if wutever I did cud never satisfies u…then, wut else can I do? Im sorry I cant be that perfect person tat u want me to be. And Im sorry if u suffer any damage from wut ive done. Didn’t mean tat to happened. Really!
Im surprised. Fer all tis while, ive been dying to wrote tis way in my blog. But I’d always change my topic and refuse to write more. And at tis very moment, Im writing tis thingy in Microsoft word! Gile kentang! Har har! XD I dunno when im gonna post tis online. I probably will. Cus it meant fer u to read it anyway~ hehe!
Wonder why suddenly im getting all emotionally depressed? Well, ive been doin some thinking lately. Bout myself, my life and people around me. During tat time, I come to realize tat I never was tat ‘favorite’ person tat others used to claim. Im someone’s bestfriend and others close pal. They wud tell me every single thing about them. well, most. I’ll luff if they tell a joke. And I’ll always there whenever they need a shoulder to cry on. But theres a time when I got stuck, and I cant lend an arm, im so terribly sorry!
But, honestly…sumtimes, it got me thinking~ am I tat type of person who only deserved to be ur friend and not the other way around? Do I only deserves to hear, listen and response to u only when im needed? Some of u wud hysterically wanna yell at me by now saying tat im the one who never wanted to open up bout wut I felt. Yea…I admit tat I do failed tat part as a friend. But have u ever wonder why? Why its hard fer me to actually do tat?
To tell u the truth, I always wanted to share everything wif ya. If u tell me ur problem, Im willingly to tell u mine. But everytime I did, nobody will actually listen. Every word I said bout me will automatically turn to urs. And as I can remember, I never actually got to finished any of my talking. Cus u wud always get distracted and sometimes never wanna pay attention. And tat happened everytime, so tats why I gave up telling others bout my problem. Mebe its not important to them. its ok, I’ll try to think of something to solve it, in any way I can.
But tat doesn’t mean tat I wont listen to u. I’m here, im always here for u. just tell me, and I’ll help u in anyway I can. Promise! Ur problem is my problem, and my problem…well, let me just keep it safe and soundproof from ur hearing. Not tat I dun want any of ur help. Hey, im very much more than happy if u wanna help. And I’ll appreciate every bit of it. And im blessed to haf u in my life fer tat. Its just tat, some things needs to be kept. And sometimes I feel tat if i tell u about it, it’ll just like placing a burden on u. and I don’t want tat. I know. Tats just weak! We’re friends and friends help each other. I know, Im pretty much aware of tat statement. 8D neways, does tat explain why I hold my tongue bout my problem? Sorry if tat doesn’t fit u. I cant force u to understand me. And Im not hoping too.
Gawd! Its been so long since I wrote tis much. Haha! Moody nk mati ayat aku sumer~! Kuikuikuikui~! Anyways, there’s a reason why suddenly I became a lil bit tense today. A lot had happened to me lately. Things that I wish wont happen again. Seriously, I hate myself lately. Dunno why I keep feeling depressed. I usually ignored every negative feeling, but lately…I became one.
Why? I guess probably cus of this recent incident. Dun really wanna talk bout it. Cus I’ll end up feeling hurt. Wutever~ like u actually care. Har har! Hurm, I think im gonna post tis entry like rite now. Cus its already been 3 days since I wrote tis thingy! Kang tak psl2 jd jeruk buah dlm laptop ni! Ha-ha! XD
Ta~~!
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